Man without a nose

A bit of a "look on the bright side" post here.

The other day, I was having a bad hair day, feeling way balder than I actually am, and comparing my hairline to anyone I wandered by on the street.

As my eyes darted from hairline to hairline of the men I passed, I made eye contact with someone who's hairline I had been analyzing. Caught, I froze my gaze for a second, and then I looked at his nose - or where his nose should be.

He had a large bandage on, and his face was basically flat where his nose once was. Mind you, this was near a hospital so he may have just had surgery or been in an accident, or been born without a nose - who knows!?

I felt ashamed that he had seen me staring at him, and also a little bit amused that I wasn't obsessing over his lack of nose - but mainly just seeing what sort of hair he was working with. I'm sure he thought I was staring at his bandage/wound.

After we passed each other, and the shame had diminished, I was struck with another wave of "what the hell is wrong with me!?"

Here I was, obsessing about how my hairline isn't what it was a few years back, worrying that my curls were getting smaller and smaller or that I was losing more hair in the shower yet meanwhile -
THIS GUY HAD TO GO THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT A NOSE!

It was a wake up call that shook me out of my self-pity and downward spiral thinking. Yeah we're losing our hair, and it sucks, but it could a lot worse. A LOT WORSE.

A little bit of perspective for those of us that get obsessed from time to time.




Ps - as for the guy's hairline? It was decent, probably stronger than mine - lol.

Hairloss research/discussion is just a hobby for me at this point. If you don't have success, don't sweat it. Even if you think you have a horrible head shape, in reality hair only affects a very small percentage of your life if you consider all other factors.

Poor guy - I hope he gets a nose back.

A couple of years ago in college I had a similar moment. I was riding the bus service that operated on campus and the bus was fairly crowded. I was sitting at the back of the bus and had a good view of the entire bus from back-to-front. I had been doing the same thing, as I always do, and that was analyzing the hair of the other men on the bus. Its funny how hairloss affects us psychologically, we start to base a man's worth on the fullness of his hair and we validate many qualities of men, falsely, based on their hair. Its pathological thinking really.

In any event, the bus stopped and a girl got on. She had been a black girl, but you could barely tell by looking. She had been burnt over the majority of her body. She was well covered, as I'm sure she kept herself regardless of the weather. She wore a wig and she wore gloves on her hands. The only exposed area of her body was her face and it was covered in scars. The colorless scar tissue left her skin a very sickly white color. She had no eyebrows.

My heart sank for this girl, as only a person who knows what it feels like to be anxious about the way they look could. I felt her anxiety. And at the same time, I realized just how much harder life must be for this poor girl. Here I am worrying about my hair, as a man, a gender for whom hairloss is kind of accepted thing or at least not surprising. This girl had to worry about her entire body, anxious about being disfigured every time she stepped out her front door. It made me so fucking sad for her. I could see the fear on her face. She knew she was being looked at, and I could see her eyes focus on the floor to dodge all the glances she was getting. I suddenly felt so damned selfish for feeling sorry for myself when this girl faced this every day of her life. So at the same time I feel I could relate to how she was feeling, I also realized that I could not at all. That the way I had been viewing my own hairloss was so vain and in some sense, extremely narcissistic.

Consider leading that girl's life. Given how insecure many of us are about hairloss, imagine having to lead life with every surface of your body disfigured. Without any hair at all, even eyebrows. Think of the opportunities you wouldn't take in that situation: the beach, family gatherings, job interviews, clubs & bars or any social gathering, class. And we find reasons to avoid these just because of thinning hair. It gave me a HUGE deal of respect for this girl. What fucking bravery. I thought what I would do if I was her. Would I have the sheer guts to go to a big university and get on that bus every day and face the staring? Would I be able to sit in a lecture hall of 500 people knowing that the people immediately surrounding me were fighting the awkward urge to examine me. To have to sit in that tense feeling anytime I was in public. I'm not sure that I would. And I admired her for that. How strong she was for facing that every day to pursue her education. And you know it wasn't easy. Many would probably have abandoned that goal and got some job working in a back room away from the public. And here she was facing her fears every day amidst young people in the prime of their physical beauty, often the most shallow time of our lives.

It definitely changed how I felt about my own hairloss, and I think about her when I start getting inside my own head and worrying when I'm in public. I shouldn't be feeling sorry for myself. (Sorry for the blog post)

This is an important thread. I, too, have had a similar moment.


I was diagnosed with Crohns disease a few years ago. That first week after the doctor explained the results of my blood tests / colonoscopy I was in full zombie mode. I was young at the time ( about 19 ) ... and I didn't tell anyone about my condition for about a week. I was living on my own, and truth be told I kind of 'brought myself up' so I didn't really even have anyone to tell. I eventually told my aunt / uncle (my 'guardians' ) and my GF ... but that wasn't until my 'moment'.

Like I said, I was feeling very down. I can't even explain why because while Crohns is certainly a serious illness, it's not cancer. I was diagnosed during Finals week, and as I was walking out the school I held the door open for a kid around my age who was in a automatic wheel chair, and also had tubes going through his arms. He was with two people that seemed like his parents. He didn't look good.

That's when I snapped out of my funk. Voices in my head kept saying 'What the fuck are you moping about?' 'Open your eyes! Be grateful for what you have'.

And it's so true. Take the recent Connecticut shootings as another example. Instead of dwelling on the negatives, look at all the positives. There are so many of them.

I have changed my approach from something I NEED into something I WANT. I WANT to cure my Crohns. I WANT to fix my hairloss that has happened to me because of my Crohns. That's why I am here, because I WANT to be here, not because I NEED to be here.

I think this is one of the worst solutions to someones problems. There is always going to be someone that has it worse for any condition or situation. It doesn't ease the pain of the said person. example: The person with burns and cancer should be thankful they did were born with a brain and not born an ant.

I do hear what you are saying. It's true, it could always be worse. So if you had no legs, someone could always come to you and say "well at least you have your arms." That doesn't eliminate the pain of not having legs. I get that totally.

I think of it as more of a psychological tool. There will always be insecurity associated with hair loss. Its not going anywhere. But from a practical standpoint, when you get in that moment (for me its in crowded public places) where that anxiety kicks in, you get locked in your head, and you mistakenly think people are judging you, you could think of these cases in this thread. You can think of how much worse it is for that burnt girl. I think its a good tool in the moment, so to speak. Its not going to just give you a permanent sense of self-confidence, but what it can provide is perspective in those moments where you really need it, and maybe help you get out of your head.

Blueman - I don't think anyone here is trying to kick down those who have it worse, it's just a reminder that things are never as bad (or for that matter, as good) as they seem.

It's all about keeping perspective. And even though we can become obsessed with our hair-loss, it's important to remember that it's human nature to focus on the one bad thing that's happening and overlook all of the other things to be thankful for or happy about.

Aspencer, thanks for sharing your story, no need to apologize for the length. Like I said, it's important to get perspective.