Can anyone reccommend a good book that's helped them mentally deal with the effects of losing ones looks b/c of hairloss?

Alongside trying to treat hairloss naturally I want to  also try working on not having my happiness be effected as much  by being less attractive.

Can anyone recommend any good reading material that has helped them in this regard?

Yes, absolutely. Reading is a standby of mine that has helped me tremendously over the years for many reasons. And the thing is its not just escape. There are books that have literally impacted the way my brain works and how I view myself and the world.

"The Power of Now" - Eckhart Tolle

"Way of the Superior Man" - David Deida

"Fire in the Belly" - Sam Keen

I believe the above two books have just about everything you require to see the present moment completely differently and to see yourself differently, and more importantly to start having standards for the way you think and act. They give you a sense of responsibility as a man. And they give you a positive message about *being* a man. Seriously get these three books.

"Cosmos" - Carl Sagan. Just for that important sense of how fucking small we are in the big picture. I believe it benefits almost everything about life here on Earth and as an individual human being.

The pain of hair loss is very much a personal battle that we'll all handle differently. It was life-changing for me. You ultimately do benefit immensely from that pain though and its important to be present for it, to accept it and insist on feeling it. That's the only way it will do good for you. These books aren't going to take that pain away, they're going to make YOU see it differently.

Everything related to buddhism and insight meditation.

It is all about recognizing impermanence. Nothing lasts. Ultimately, having hair or not having hair cannot determine your happiness.

Thanks for your feedback guys. I will check out those books.

To go a little further, are there any books out there that directly address our particular situation as closely as possible?

Very specifically :Like that feeling of looking in the mirror , it all happening so damn fast, and saying "damn Im not physically attractive anymore. Maybe I'm average looking now, but I am no longer physically attractive"

MPB erodes our appearance very quickly. To go from being attractive to average/below average in such a short period of time, a book that addresses how to overcome that pain specifically and maintain a zest, happiness, confidence, and an inner feeling of attractiveness despite the harsh physical reality. Despite noticing such a drastic change in how the opposite (and even same) sex react to you.

like "mentally dealing with MPB for dummies" or something or "how to  mentally deal with going from attractive to average overnight" something that specific?

sizzlinghairs wrote:Thanks for your feedback guys. I will check out those books.

To go a little further, are there any books out there that directly address our particular situation as closely as possible?

Very specifically :Like that feeling of looking in the mirror , it all happening so damn fast, and saying "damn Im not physically attractive anymore. Maybe I'm average looking now, but I am no longer physically attractive"

MPB erodes our appearance very quickly. To go from being attractive to average/below average in such a short period of time, a book that addresses how to overcome that pain specifically and maintain a zest, happiness, confidence, and an inner feeling of attractiveness despite the harsh physical reality. Despite noticing such a drastic change in how the opposite (and even same) sex react to you.

like "mentally dealing with MPB for dummies" or something or "how to  mentally deal with going from attractive to average overnight" something that specific?

I don't think there are any books like that. Anyway to put this in perspective, we all have to deal with being less attractive at certain stages of our lives.
Even teenagers, with their acne. I still remember how obsessed I was over those spots.

I think the answer to such issues is to learn to accept and love ourselves unconditionally. Stop putting so much stock in what we think other people think about us.
We are not our bodies.

The paradox is that when we are truly in acceptance of "what is," that is when we can truly move forward.

The goal should not be to find a book that relates to that feeling specifically. You seem to be trying to find a bandaid for the problem, without really addressing what the problem is. There isn't a written passage out there that's going to make you feel better about losing hair if your belief systems about attraction stay the same. From an objective standpoint, a head with hair is more attractive than a head without hair. So what? That DOES NOT mean a head without hair is not attractive. Perfect teeth are more attractive than mediocre teeth, but you probably know plenty of attractive people who don't have commercial-worthy chompers. Being 6'5" is more attractive than being 5'9", but you probably know guys who are getting laid even though they aren't super tall. There aren't just two categories of "super attractive" and "not attractive at all". Think of a girl you find really attractive. Now think about every component of her physical body. You gonna tell me there isn't one part of her for which a "better" version isn't owned by somebody else. If we hack apart physical bodies in this way, we're missing the point. You're summing all of your attractive qualities up into just one aspect of yourself. Attraction is a continuum and its informed by so many things.

The way you approach your loss has a much larger impact on how other people view it than you think. When you accept yourself, people accept it. You determine your own buying temperature. People tend to find attractive what social signals tell them is attractive, and you acting/thinking you're the shit is a strong signal that you are the shit. Ever wonder why the apparent douche bags get the girls you think should run the other way? Because for usually no reason at all these guys just act like they are the shit, because a lot of times they just really believe that for no outward reason. We see it and say, "wait, this guy is broke, has a shit job and couch hops from friend's house to friends house", and yet that's the guy getting laid and you're like "What the fuck". Chances are he's setting his own buying temperature pretty high, and nobody sets our price for us. That's the beauty. You set your own buying temperature. You've just got to feel entitled to go high. Sometimes people in our predicament think too much and that's our problem. That same guy I was just talking about might just come off as ignorant. He's just not thinking "Oh well people won't believe my confidence because there's nothing to back it up". That's a thought we'd have if we're in our own heads. They just believe it with no apparent reason to, and whaddaya know, other people believe it to because what the hell else does anybody have to go on about you other than the way you act about yourself.

The books I told you about will solve your problem in a different way. They'll make you understand attraction and what it means to be a man in a fundamentally different way. You'll no longer feel the same feelings you're talking about because you won't view yourself the same way anymore. You won't view yourself sexually the same way. You won't view the opposite sex in the same way.

In the end you won't feel as inclined to look in the mirror to assess your attractiveness, you'll realize where your center is and where real attraction comes from and you'll start reassessing most of the other parts of your life besides hair loss. That's the trick if you ask me.

Some books can sugarcoat our situation, or place us far enough into our own headspaces that we're no longer on the same wave length as the average person... But, one of these days you're going to crack, and realize reality again. I think it's better to bask in our messed up lives whether than take it in waves that could spiral us into an even deeper depression. Trust me, I have been there and deluding myself was one of my biggest mistakes.

No homo but it's time to start using brotherhood as your source of social wellbeing. Join a gym, get some guy friends, do coolstuff, and try to avoid females as much as possible because as a balding man this is the most ruthless demographic you'll face. I've already experienced it many times and I'm not even full bald yet. Guys will respect you, especially if you're fit and develop a leader personality. Maybe read a book on being assertive, if need be, and try to take life less serious. It took some very harsh realizations on my part to finally start to care less. I clung so tightly onto the idea of having a first gf, starting a family, love... but, hair loss has made me wiser. It taught me that I'm not guaranteed anything in life. Not even my youth.

Just so I'm not too off base with the topic, my book recommendation is 48 Laws of Power. But, don't let it corrupt you, just use it as a tool to get an edge in life in general.

Quick edit but, if nothing else, read it so that you don't get these techniques used against you.

"When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron

She is an American Buddhist nun. Very wise and has helped me with many aspects of my life as well as hair loss. Short read, too.

Growdamnit wrote:"When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron

She is an American Buddhist nun. Very wise and has helped me with many aspects of my life as well as hair loss. Short read, too.

Yes...

Found this website

http://baldattraction.com/

I just recently worked out most of my hairloss related feelings, I've been putting aside. 
mainly it was "Why me?!, everyone else has their hair my age" repeated with some crying and punching pillows.

I also noticed I may have been in a delusional phase, where I believe I'm a 8/10 at least or something. Which oddly enough have restricted my behaviour as I think I have been behaving as a princess or something (inapporpiate smiling and acting all cutey shy, not leading and stating as a man).
Anyways, I've tied my hairloss to a big loss of image, I wouldn't even look 8/10 anymore!! Well guess what, I didn't even look 8/10 with a full head of hair lol.

So I reached the fact, I'm not the best looking, far from it actually. I can't do much about it. However I am interested in health and hair growth. I've managed to not lose further hair for the last 2 years, so I've accepted the look of 3mm buzzcut with some light beard.

I should also work out being an alltogether stronger individual, and not rely solely on my looks, and what's left of it.

I guess an effective TL;DR would be work out differences in actual image vs percieved self-image, feel the emotions tied with it, let it go and change the way you view yourself.

^ Good point made there I think.

Regardless of how you felt about yourself before losing hair, one thing I used to notice myself doing (and others) is exaggerating how much better I looked with hair. I'd idealize that pre-loss version of myself and sort of unrealistically heighten my former level of attractiveness in my mind. Its something you see happen in a lot of areas of life when people are comparing present states with past states, and certainly when something that used to be there is gone. We do it with people who pass away. We just tend to look in the past and judge things as being different than they actually were.

To deal with this issue its important to realize your own biases when it comes to memory. We build memory up over time with little subtleties that after so long can make the memory of something quite inaccurate. We have many reasons for doing this depending on the situation/person/object.

But it is not helping us to hold this view of of our former selves up on a pedestal that shines light down on this version of ourselves now, because its unfairly making you judge your present self, the only one that really matters.

At the end of the day, chances are you weren't as attractive pre-MPB as you remember, and you probably aren't as unattractive as you feel now. Its amazing how the mind colors our perception of reality.

Some books can sugarcoat our situation, or place us far enough into our own headspaces that we're no longer on the same wave length as the average person... But, one of these days you're going to crack, and realize reality again. I think it's better to bask in our messed up lives whether than take it in waves that could spiral us into an even deeper depression. Trust me, I have been there and deluding myself was one of my biggest mistakes. No homo but it's time to start using brotherhood as your source of social wellbeing. Join a gym, get some guy friends, do coolstuff, and try to avoid females as much as possible because as a balding man this is the most ruthless demographic you'll face. I've already experienced it many times and I'm not even full bald yet. Guys will respect you, especially if you're fit and develop a leader personality. Maybe read a book on being assertive, if need be, and try to take life less serious. It took some very harsh realizations on my part to finally start to care less. I clung so tightly onto the idea of having a first gf, starting a family, love... but, hair loss has made me wiser. It taught me that I'm not guaranteed anything in life. Not even my youth. Just so I'm not too off base with the topic, my book recommendation is 48 Laws of Power. But, don't let it corrupt you, just use it as a tool to get an edge in life in general. Quick edit but, if nothing else, read it so that you don't get these techniques used against you. wrote:

You might be mentally weak I seen balding men scoring with chicks all the time. Its about confidence and how you view yourself. I look at it like this if a woman takes her make-up off she is dropping a few points anyway. Avoiding women? stupidest thing I ever heard....some men look better bald yes its true.....the rock, patrick stewart and many other LOOK BETTER BALD THAN WITH HAIR. Take you negative mindset somewhere else, its not needed in this community

SuperMechanioventraliosis wrote:
Anyways, I've tied my hairloss to a big loss of image, I wouldn't even look 8/10 anymore!! Well guess what, I didn't even look 8/10 with a full head of hair lol.

many a true word spoken in jest... other than perhaps one or two exceptions it's not like when we all had full heads of hair women were beating our doors down.

if you were good looking before you'll prob be good looking with a bald head; if you were ugly before, well you'll still be ugly. us men need to learn to man up a bit... that's what many people find attractive! (granted hair can be a useful style device)

Hairbeback wrote:


You might be mentally weak I seen balding men scoring with chicks all the time. Its about confidence and how you view yourself. I look at it like this if a woman takes her make-up off she is dropping a few points anyway. Avoiding women? stupidest thing I ever heard....some men look better bald yes its true.....the rock, patrick stewart and many other LOOK BETTER BALD THAN WITH HAIR. Take you negative mindset somewhere else, its not needed in this community

I'm not one of those 'some men' but good for you. Makes me wonder how you amassed over 500 posts on an anti hair loss forum if you list the rock and patrick stewart. I'd be gone already if I looked better bald, or if I thought all that mattered was what I thought of myself. Where's the community for the guys actually impacted by hair loss?

I don't think there's a guy who experiences MPB and *isn't* effected by hair loss, to one degree or another. Think of it like this, if an ugly guy deals with it, he may have had a bit of a self-esteem issue to begin with which is only increased by the loss of hair. For the guy who is great looking to begin with, well he might be a bit vain and sort of rely on his looks, and he could be impacted even more significantly at the loss of good looks, as opposed to having never thought of himself that way to begin with. It impacts us all. At the same time there are guys I know who are ugly - irregardless of hair - and have never given a damn (at least to that great of an extent) and they're approach to themselves is totally different.

But to me its like how people deal with grieving in different time lines. Each of us has their ah-ha moment at a different stage.

I'm not one of those 'some men' but good for you. Makes me wonder how you amassed over 500 posts on an anti hair loss forum if you list the rock and patrick stewart. I'd be gone already if I looked better bald, or if I thought all that mattered was what I thought of myself. Where's the community for the guys actually impacted by hair loss? wrote:

A lot of my post have nothing to do with hair loss. I been on this forum for 5 years. 500 posts in really not a lot in five years. I post and ask questions about health in general.
Hair loss does effect men, but they need to get over it in their own way and not have their hair loss revolve around women. Some women love bald men, and believe it or not as I said before some men look better bald than with hair. If you are one of those guys you are lucky. If you are one of those guys who knows how not to give a shit and go out there and take life by the horns then you are lucky. We need to get out of our own heads.....people in the world are suffering from far worse. If we lived in a society where being born bald was normal and all we were use to seeing....and some people started growing hair on their head....it would be different to our perception also, and would probably be deemed to hairy

Hairbeback wrote:

A lot of my post have nothing to do with hair loss. I been on this forum for 5 years. 500 posts in really not a lot in five years. I post and ask questions about health in general.
Hair loss does effect men, but they need to get over it in their own way and not have their hair loss revolve around women. Some women love bald men, and believe it or not as I said before some men look better bald than with hair. If you are one of those guys you are lucky. If you are one of those guys who knows how not to give a shit and go out there and take life by the horns then you are lucky. We need to get out of our own heads.....people in the world are suffering from far worse. If we lived in a society where being born bald was normal and all we were use to seeing....and some people started growing hair on their head....it would be different to our perception also, and would probably be deemed to hairy

Right...it's been predicted that all men will be bald, as our species evolves.
http://www.galacticfamilies.com/The_Sassani__Shakani.html

I do believe that humans will move toward a state of total hairless-ness.

One of the most valuable teachings I've learned is that nothing has a built-in meaning, only the meaning we ourselves ascribe.
I recall an interview with Bruce Willis when he was asked if his hair loss bothered him. He just gave that famous smirk and scoffed at
the idea that it would bother him. And, he's said:
“I’ve seen all those little digs where they try to make you feel less of a man because you’re losing your hair. I’m a man and I will kick anyone’s butt who tries to tell me I’m not a man because my hair is thinning, and I like fooling around with looking different ways. I wear makeup in films. I wear hairpieces in films. I don’t wear either in real life. End of subject.”

Delphine wrote:

One of the most valuable teachings I've learned is that nothing has a built-in meaning, only the meaning we ourselves ascribe.
I recall an interview with Bruce Willis when he was asked if his hair loss bothered him.  He just gave that famous smirk and scoffed at
the idea that it would bother him.  And, he's said:
“I’ve seen all those little digs where they try to make you feel less of a man because you’re losing your hair. I’m a man and I will kick anyone’s butt who tries to tell me I’m not a man because my hair is thinning, and I like fooling around with looking different ways. I wear makeup in films. I wear hairpieces in films. I don’t wear either in real life. End of subject.”

good stuff. this level of mental strength and framing in itself is a highly attractive quality

Columbo wrote:

Delphine wrote:

One of the most valuable teachings I've learned is that nothing has a built-in meaning, only the meaning we ourselves ascribe.
I recall an interview with Bruce Willis when he was asked if his hair loss bothered him.  He just gave that famous smirk and scoffed at
the idea that it would bother him.  And, he's said:
“I’ve seen all those little digs where they try to make you feel less of a man because you’re losing your hair. I’m a man and I will kick anyone’s butt who tries to tell me I’m not a man because my hair is thinning, and I like fooling around with looking different ways. I wear makeup in films. I wear hairpieces in films. I don’t wear either in real life. End of subject.”

good stuff. this level of mental strength and framing in itself is a highly attractive quality

Absolutely.