Kinda embarassing, need help

Hey guys

This might seem weird for a topic/question, but what the heck i figure.

I started dating with this girl, she's pretty good looking overall but not 100% my type - but i am attracted to her

To put a long story short, i couldnt maintain for erection. It got big very fast, but after 1-2 minutes, nothing, nada...
Its weird because sometimes it's really hard and sometimes it gets like that.
I wonder if anyone know what is the cause for this? (other than stress maybe) and what i can do to fix it. I'm not gonna take viagra, but i heard horny goat weed might be effective too...

This is really weird and frustrating, as i have insane sex drive usually. (I still did when i was with her, just couldnt perform and its killing me)

Sounds psychological......
Did she try to give you head or something? Sometimes when I'm too drunk to get a boner, I go down on her first....that always does it for me....

I noticed since chilling out in the sun more, my libido goes insane.....hard to not be hard

Definitely sounds psychological. I'm going to get graphic here so be prepared. I had this happen to me in my early 20's when I was dating a 19yo model in NYC who was a virgin. I was fine if she was giving me oral but when it was time to have intercourse I would sabotage myself. It was horrible man. I know exactly what you're going through.

I wouldn't mess around with Viagra unless you really want to get this over with and perform regardless of what your brain is telling the rest of your body.

I know, for me, what worked was calming down and slowing everything down. Just relax and enjoy the experience and be more aware of everything you're feeling. Slow things down. Be in the moment. I know I was rushing to get to the sex that would take her virginity and it wasn't working. Every time I put the condom on I'd lose my erection and couldn't do it.

Once I started to relax and just think about how everything felt whether it was kissing, touching, what have you, everything took care of itself. You don't want your brain thinking about getting it up. You want your brain thinking about how awesome everything feels with her in that moment. I don't know how else to describe it other than focusing on what you're feeling in the moment.

I also advocate going down on her and bringing her to orgasm before you if you can. I know, for me, that psychologically releases me from worrying about performance and then I can just relax and get mine.

Also, if she's good at oral and likes doing it, have her do that to you first and get your excited before you try to go inside her.

That said, I was at a party in LA and there was literally a bowl of Viagra (among other drugs). I grabbed some Viagra and split a 100g pill into quarters and one night with a different girlfriend took 1/4 to see what would happen. Holy shit was that crazy. The stuff works. After we ran out of that I've never used it again, but it does do what it promises to do and then some.

I know supplement wise Ecklonia Cava extract, Panax Ginseng and D-3 have all had positive impacts on erections but they don't work in 3 hours like the pharmaceutical does.

My advice to you is to just relax and have fun with it next time. You may think you're relaxed, but you're probably not so focus on your breathing and focus on what you're feeling and not on what your brain is trying to sabotage you from.

Good luck man!

It's gotta be performance anxiety. Same thing happened to me. I'd get so worried about performance that I wouldn't be able to perform at all, and then with the next girl, it'd be even worse because not only was the performance anxiety still there, but I'd be worried about not getting a woody again.

I ended getting a lesbian girlfriend to give me cunnilingus lessons and man it changed my life.

calvicie wrote:I ended getting a lesbian girlfriend to give me cunnilingus lessons and man it changed my life.

Nice! We need a thumbsup-smiley....

FireFist, I agree with everyone else that it sounds psychological but Brian put together an erectile dysfunction plan on HealthyFixx if you want to try some natural supplements.

http://healthyfixx.com/plan/2/fixxing-erectile-dysfunction

Thanks guys, love you all!

BTW, she told me before the act that she's a virgin, so maybe you guys are right on the money

calvicie wrote: I ended getting a lesbian girlfriend to give me cunnilingus lessons and man it changed my life.

F hairloss. This trumps hair. It is a superpower. Do you have a regimen/advice for this calvicie?

I think every guy that had some pointers here would benefit in one way or another. Thanks.

Ya id agree that its probably more phycological than anything as i had a similar thing happen to me in the past. But also I know that having really cold showers (as Prague has suggested with spitz baths) and spraying the cold water over the groin region will drive your libido through the roof. I have be doing these for the past few weeks and you not only feel better (hair too!) but also become hornier than a 15 year old watching Basic Instinct.

Also for me, I always have 'one' thinking of a girl before i go out on a date for the first time (There's Something About Mary style!) and imagine it all goes very well. This calms me down and gets rid of any inhibitions of non-performance. Give it a go!

FireFist wrote:Thanks guys, love you all!

BTW, she told me before the act that she's a virgin, so maybe you guys are right on the money

The virgin thing is what did it to me. I went to see a doctor about it because I was so freaked out about it and they sent me to a urologist who looked at me and said, "are you kidding?". Again, I was in my early 20's. There was nothing wrong with me and trust me, there is nothing wrong with you. It's in your head and you can beat it by just enjoying the way things feel and relaxing.

It was a big deal for me that she was a virgin because she was so gorgeous and I felt, at that time, that she was too good for me. That's all noise. If she's with you and willing to go there with you find confidence in the fact that she's choosing you and not some other slob, lol.

Seriously man. Just relax and keep trying and have fun with it. I promise you it will not be an issue if you follow that advice.

Take some chelation supps and see if over 3 - 6 months you notice a difference, I recommend:-
1 Jarrow Tox Guard,
2 1 oz of Bentnite Clay on waning moon each night before bed,
3 Jarrow time release NAC and L Glutamine 500mg twice a day, and maybe MACA
4 Infra red sauna once or twice a week
5 Meditate, mediate & meditate or Qi Gong

and relax, as you get older often the pursuit of nookie can sometimes just seem really pointless.

M

PS - BE CAREFUL WITH VIAGRA - DO **NOT** OVERDOSE

I know someone who took too many and their erection lasted a very long time, far too long leading to many, many painful operations. Thankfully Ive never taken it, but after I head that - WHOA....

Be careful 00's

Phew. I thought I was the only. I do not have enough fingers to count how many hot women I have blown it with becuase of this very exact thing. Its hard, but then when its time to step up to the plate.... bam you strike out.

I asked a friend once about this, and he said its becuase your all about the conquest. When shes not giving it to you(your ultimate goal of penetration) your excited, but then when shes spread eagle and ready your lose interest quickly becuase somewhere deep down inside you accomplished what you wanted and sex wasn't it, it was that you wanted her to want to have sex(aka give herself fully to you) and thats all.

I think that kinda makes sense.... more of an ego thing than an actual sex for pleasure thing.

Innermind wrote:Phew. I thought I was the only. I do not have enough fingers to count how many hot women I have blown it with becuase of this very exact thing. Its hard, but then when its time to step up to the plate.... bam you strike out.

I asked a friend once about this, and he said its becuase your all about the conquest. When shes not giving it to you(your ultimate goal of penetration) your excited, but then when shes spread eagle and ready your lose interest quickly becuase somewhere deep down inside you accomplished what you wanted and sex wasn't it, it was that you wanted her to want to have sex(aka give herself fully to you) and thats all.

I think that kinda makes sense.... more of an ego thing than an actual sex for pleasure thing.

Definitely. That said, you can beat this w/o the drugs. I did it w/o the drugs. Just be calm and focus on how awesome it feels in those moments & don't sit there focusing on what you project she might be thinking since that's pointless - you'll never know what she's thinking. All you need to know is she wants you and find the power in you from that - this woman wants you over any other guy she could be with.

I'm married now and in my late 30's, but this was a big deal for me in my early 20's and I didn't have the net to find support.

I just want you guys to know that you're not freaks or broken if this happens to you. Don't beat up on yourself. Just calm down and enjoy the sex.

The other thing I would say is if you're with someone and this is happening, back off the masturbating in between dates. If you masturbate a lot you get very conditioned to the way that feels and if she can't recreate that feeling it can cause the problems you have.

As for Viagra, when I tried Viagra it was strictly recreational and I only took 1/4 of a 100mg pill and it turned me into a porn star. I would never tell anyone young to turn to it unless they were really incapable of getting it up. It was fun to fool around with w/a nympho g/f I had when I had the pills, but I don't use them anymore and I would never order them or go get a script for them unless I couldn't function normally.

Whip wrote:

calvicie wrote: I ended getting a lesbian girlfriend to give me cunnilingus lessons and man it changed my life.

Do you have a regimen/advice for this calvicie?

Advice? I wish, then I'd do it all over again. It was kind of a right place at the right time kind of thing and I honestly didn't even know she was a lesbian when we started going out; I should have known for several reasons like 1) this was in SF, 2) she was a hair stylist, and 3) her preferred position was 69; but it didn't dawn on me until much later. I was lucky enough that she was patient enough to teach me everything I needed to know physically so any and all anxieties were forgotten and I could just relax and enjoy myself.

Thanks Calv. I actually meant the techniques learned...

Also, for some of the guys, if libido or anxiety is a problem (at the time), doing this and more will probably suffice and save the day.

https://youtu.be/OASzBeIRiH0

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Lesbian-Girlfriend

step1: Become comfortable being lesbian...............done!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Isb55baWdfg

I had the same problem, in fact I posted about it here as well because I was very scared that something wasn't working right! You can see my old post about 2 years ago, I can't remember the title I think it was "OMG HELP ME PLZ CAN"T GET ERECTION!" or something just as urgent.

Most people told me it was just a nervous, psychological thing, and CS recommended some stuff that is supposed to help with that by boosting some hormone I forgot. I tried it and it worked temporarily. But in the long run I think the issue was caused by too high cholesterol, I think I had too much fat clogging arteries. My cholesterol was over 250, however, I had a very good ratio and not at any risk of heart disease. I was on a low carb diet, and it didn't work out for me. A few months on a low fat diet and I was running fine, without any need for any supplements to help with sex.

Also did you recently change diets drastically? I noticed when I change diets I see a massive reduction in sex drive. When I go from low carb to vegan, or from vegan to low-carb, it doesn't matter. Any major change in diet makes me lose my sex drive for a few weeks as my body copes with the new fuel.